Psalm 3, pt. 1

O LORD, how many are my foes!

many are rising against me;

many are saying of my soul,

there is no salvation for him in God.

With very little exception, I am my own worst enemy.  Other people may be unkind, inconsiderate, or even downright hostile towards me—and this does happen, albeit less than I deserve.  But ultimately, the hideous foe that plagues me more than any other is that of my own sinfulness.  I can almost see my temptations rising against me, like an army mounting the crest of a hill, telling my soul, "There is no salvation for you in God."

I felt this way recently.  In the midst of repentance, I found to my dismay that the sorrow I was feeling might not be sorrow over offending God but actually leftover selfishness that had been the root of my sin to begin with.  I felt like Eustace, from the Chronicles of Narnia, whose desire to please himself turned him into a hideous dragon.  The only way to escape the monster he had become was for him to shed his scales.  Yet every time he scraped off a layer of his ugly exterior, he found a new one just under the surface. 

I confess and confess, and then the second I stop for breath, I find the sin ramming itself against my mind once more.  And in my heart I feel, “I can't stand this.”

But you, O LORD, are a shield about me,

my glory, and the lifter of my head.

I cried aloud to the LORD,

and He answered me from His holy hill.

I was right. I can't stand this. I can't be bombarded with temptation again and again and stand unflinching before it. What I can do, and will do, is fall, and be trampled under the feet of my own worst desires.

But I don't have to try and stand alone! The LORD God himself is a shield about me. Can you imagine? Such an infinite, matchless God, being a shield around someone so small and puny? That He would be there for me, a nearby safeguard and source of security, is staggering. It is also amazing that God actually can be my glory and the lifter of my head. My sins may be a great source of despair and self-loathing. But ever within my reach I have an even more abundant spring of joy and exultation. I do not need to despair. For in the onslaught of my wickedness, when I cry to out to the LORD, He answers.

Though I can't deny the power of sin, I know there is yet a power that is greater, more fearsome, and that will be victorious. My God is my shield. He's my glory. He hears me. I am plagued by my sinfulness. But I truly find hope in knowing what a God I have.


Psalm 3: 1-4