Not to Please Myself

Romans 15:1-2 says:
We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.

We all have people around us who are stronger or weaker than we are (or at least appear that way). My tendency might be to think someone who is not excessively joyful is a weak person. Especially if I am experiencing a time of great rejoicing in the Lord, I may think that someone who is having a bad day must be “weak” for struggling with their attitude. My tendency, if I come across such a person, is not (and I know this may come as a shock) to respond in a godly way. If someone is feeling sad, and I'm feeling happy, I'll most likely not choose to sympathise with their feelings and “please my neighbor.” Instead, I'll be insensitive and ramble on about whatever it is I'm happy about.

Now don't get me wrong. There is absolutely no problem with having joy—even a great big happiness that manifests itself in smiling, joking, and laughing loudly. But if I take my jovial laughter (yes, I know it can be loud) and back-slapping hilarity into the home of a friend who got only 4 hours of sleep and had to spend the whole day doing yard work, that might not be appropriate. The key is to be sensitive to the needs of others.

Romans 12:15 says:
Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.

My goal must be not to do what pleases myself (expressing whatever feelings I have) but what pleases my neighbor (listening to how his day was, and offering sympathy or congratulations, depending on how he feels).

I said before that my tendency might be to have too much happiness at the wrong time. At least recently, that has been my inclination. I'm not saying I'm always joyful. I'm just saying, if I am, it can be very difficult for me to take it down a couple notches and weep with someone else. But others might have the opposite tendency. This has happened to me before as well. Imagine someone who has just uncovered some deep truth from God's word and is in a very somber mood. But this person just so happens to be at a party with some of the other girls and all of them are having a fantastic time. As they joke and laugh and get more and more ridiculous, this person might think, “What is wrong with all these immature people? We should be thinking about the Lord right now!” In that girl's heart, she has chosen her stoic, unflinching meditations over their innocent enjoyment of each other's company. They are not sinning. But she just might be, if she lets her perceived “strength” convince her that she is better than they are. Instead, I think it would be better for this person to (are you ready?) relax. She's stuck at this party, after all, so she might as well just take it easy and decide to have a good time. It's not up to everybody she's with to pander to the way she feels at the moment. Instead, she should be looking out for their wishes and trying to ensure that everybody else is doing alright.

Whenever you feel like you are the strong one in a conversation, realize that God is giving you an extra responsibility. Being strong does not mean that you get to enjoy your own strength—whether it consists of the joy of the Lord or your suffering for the Lord. It means that you have an obligation to reach down to the weaker person, find out how they are doing, and respond empathetically.

And if the strong people all chose to do this, I can only imagine what fellowship would be like. Romans 15:5-6 gives us a little glimpse:
May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Though I may think that, in my strength, I have a great song to sing, God might just want me to turn down the volume and sing harmony for a while. What if every time I felt stronger than somebody else, I chose to complement their song with mine? Then together, with one voice, we could glorify our Father in heaven.